


Snick

by adarkwintersday



Series: Hide Those Ears [5]
Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Pon Farr, Time Travel Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-20
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-08-09 23:32:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 7,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7821547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adarkwintersday/pseuds/adarkwintersday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A family story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue (2285; Interplanetary Relationship Issues)

‘Captain, what Saavik did was entirely logical.’

‘Logical my foot!  You think I can’t see that that girl’s in love with you, Spock?  And don’t tell me that she’s too young for you.  Your mother’s half a _century_ younger than your father.’

‘I had no intention of employing such a specious argument.’

‘Spock!’

Spock sighs.  ‘Jim, I was undergoing an accelerated _Pon Farr_.  Whatever personal feelings she may have - Lieutenant Saavik acted as she did to save my life.’

‘And when were you planning to _tell_ me about this?’

‘I am telling you now.’

‘It’s been thirteen months!’

‘Prior to this it did not seem relevant.’

‘You had sex with someone else!’

‘Jim - I was not exactly myself.’

‘But you _remember_ it?’

‘Yes.’

‘Well?’

‘Well what?’

‘How,’ asks the Captain vengefully, ‘was it?’

 

Spock takes a deep breath.  To Jim, he understands, this matters.  This obsession with the irrelevant is what makes his lover so difficult - and also so endlessly, irresistibly brilliant.

 

‘Jim, the planet was collapsing, I was subject to rapid ageing, and at that moment I was, for all sexual purposes, approximately fifteen, and wholly inexperienced.’

For the first time in fiveminutes and thirty-seven seconds the Captain stops pacing.

‘That good?’

‘Quite.’

 

To his great relief Jim takes a seat.

 

‘So you have a daughter.’

‘Yes.’

‘I suppose your mother’s thrilled.’

‘She has expressed considerable satisfaction.’

‘I’ll bet.’

 

There’s a pause, and then Jim says, ‘Spock?’

‘Yes?’

‘Why is _now_ a good time to tell me this?’

 

Spock hesitates.

 

It is, he knows, illogical, and possibly he is a fool, but - 

 

‘Jim, I have a _daughter_.’

‘Yes.’

‘I thought that perhaps you would like to meet her.’

 

 

~

 

 

Ten days later, peering cautiously into the cradle that contains a two-week-old Vulcan infant - 

 

For the second time in his highly unusual life - 

 

Captain James T. Kirk falls quite hopelessly in love.


	2. Chapter 1 (2295)

Snick tries to love everyone equally - because that, she knows, is logical.  They are all just as _important_ to her.

 

Secretly, though, the person Snick loves most is her father.

 

This, she has concluded, is because her father does not quite _fit in_ anywhere.

 

Whenever her father comes to see her, her father brings Jim.  

 

Jim is like a golden sun.  A _human -_ a strange, wonderful, glowing creature, who laughs, and hugs her, and clowns around. 

 

Jim is her father’s _t’hy’la_.

 

Just as grandfather Sarek’s _t’hy’la_ is grandmother Amanda.

 

This is one of the things that makes Snick’s father unusual.  Most Vulcans do not choose a human lover.  

 

But it is not shameful, her mother tells her - because Jim is not just any old human.  He is Captain James T. Kirk - a galactic legend.

 

Her father is a galactic legend too, her mother tells her.

 

Her mother does not have a _t’hy’la_.

 

 

~

 

 

Grandmother Amanda is a human too.  This is why she grows daily older, and frailer.

 

This is why grandfather Sarek often exhibits _emotion_ when he is near her.

 

Grandmother Amanda is eighty-seven years old - and soon she will die.

 

Grandfather Sarek is one hundred and thirty, and he will live many decades longer.

 

Choosing a human for your _t’hy’la_ must end in sadness.

 

Snick is sad for Grandfather Sarek.

 

But Grandfather Sarek lives _here_ , with all of them.  He will not be alone.

 

Snick worries more about her father.

 

 

~

 

 

Jim takes her down to the beach.

 

Teaches her a game called _football_.

 

Introduces an activity called _paddling_.

 

Shows her how to build a _sand castle_.

 

Falls backwards laughing when she starts to explain to him that, tactically speaking, building your fortress on the beach would not be _efficient_ at all.

 

When she asks him why he is laughing he picks her up, and topples her upside down, and spins her around by her ankles in dizzying circles.

 

And Snick laughs too.

 

 

 

_~_

 

 

 

‘Snick-bit?’

 

The sun is going down, but the beach is still fiercely hot.  It has been a long, exhausting afternoon - and, while Jim has been grilling the tikh-cakes that Grandmother Amanda insisted they bring, Snick has been hugging her knees, and staring at the sea, and - _thinking_.

 

 _Snick-bit_ , her mother has explained, is a ‘pet-name.’  Humans like to use them.  

 

If a human gives you a pet-name, it is a sign that, for him, you are important.

 

This does not entirely explain the explosion of pride and happiness that the appellation _Snick-bit_ ignites in the chest of Snick-just-Snick. 

 

‘Snick-bit?  What is it?’

 

‘Jim, what will happen to my father when you are dead?’

 

Snick has absorbed the fearless - _ruthless_ \- directness of her race.  But she is a highly observant creature - and she sees immediately, from his face, that she has made Jim hurt.

 

‘Are you afraid of dying, Jim?’

 

He shakes his head.

 

And then he comes over, and sits down beside her, and pulls Snick’s body close against his.

 

The only other person who ever hugs Snick is Grandmother Amanda.  But she is so old, so _frail_ now - Snick always pulls away a little, frightened that her grandmother will break.  Her grandmother’s embrace does not make Snick feel, as Jim’s does - _safe_. 

 

‘I’m not afraid of dying, Snick.  I used to be.  When I was younger - I was afraid of dying alone.’

‘Every living thing dies alone, Jim.’

She feels the vibration of silent laughter in his chest.  ‘Is that what they tell you in school, Snick?’

‘Yes.’

‘Little one, your people are extremely - _literal_.’

‘Language should always be accurate.’

She feels the vibration again.  But he is silent.

 

So after a moment, she asks.

 

‘You will not die alone?’

‘No, little one.  I won’t.’

‘My father will be there.’

‘Yes.’

‘But then - ’

 

‘Then he will go on.’  

 

The vibration again.  

 

But Snick does not look up, because this time, she knows -

 

This time, it is not exactly a laugh.

 

They are silent, and the sun goes down.

 

Snick can smell the tikh-cakes going cold.

 

She doesn’t care.  Hunger is the last thing on her mind.

 

Finally she says, ‘Jim?’

‘Snick-bit?’

‘I will look after him.  He will never be alone.’

He squeezes her close.

No-one else ever _squeezes_ Snick - and yet she understands.

 

‘It’s funny, Snick-bit,’ he says.  ‘But I knew you would say that.’

 

 

~

 

 

‘What is troubling you?’

‘Nothing, my love.  I’m fine.’

‘Clearly inaccurate, Jim.’

‘Your daughter, Spock.  I mean - christ.  I’ll hardly get to see her _grow up_.’

‘Also inaccurate, beloved.’ 

‘She’s worried about _you_ , Spock.’

‘I am aware of that.’

‘ _Stop it_.’

 

Spock takes a deep breath.

 

Jim forgets, more often that not, that for him it is as traumatic to tumble down into this maelstrom of emotions as it is for Jim to keep a _stiff upper lip_.

 

Contrary to what humans tell each other, humans accumulate most of their wisdom early on in life.  All they continue to acquire is knowledge.

 

James T. Kirk is still as wise as he ever was.

 

But it is Spock, as the years go by, who is _learning_.  Vulcans have no problem with knowledge - have vast, eidetic memories.  But it is fortunate that they live so long - 

 

They come to wisdom late.    

 

‘Jim.  _T’hy’la_.  Darling.’

‘I don’t want to _leave you_.’

‘Jim, you are sixty-two.  You will not leave me for decades yet.  I understand that watching my parents upsets you.  But - hush - _t’hy’la_ \- ’

 

As so often, when they are alone together, the _logical_ has drifted via the _emotional_ into the _physical_ \- and things are getting rather out of hand… 

 

And Spock does not get to say what he means to.  What he knows he ought to.

 

It is forgotten, in the fever of mutual hunger. 

 

 

~

 

 

He meant to say that _all things end_.

 

 

_~_

 

 

Snick’s father never embraces her.  But he understands her better than anyone else.

 

Snick is very good at mathematics.  Better than anyone in her class.

 

Snick’s father is better than she is with numbers.  But, more importantly, he understands why Snick finds them _beautiful._   No-one else does.

 

When Snick’s father visits, they often play chess.

 

Often they sit on opposite sides of the board for hours, without moving a single piece.

 

Jim says that this is because the chessboard is a _safe space_.

 

 

~

 

 

‘Everybody dies, Snick.  But that is not what matters.  What matters is that everybody _lives_.’

‘The statement is tautological, father.’

‘But you understand me, Snick.’

 

She nods.

 

‘ _You_ have lived.’

‘Yes.’

‘Because of Jim.’

His eyes smile at her.

‘Yes.  In part.’

‘Mother has no _t’hy’la_ , father.’

 

He takes her pawn.  Leaving his rook vulnerable to her queen.  It is a gentle tease.  

 

A gesture of affection, as simple as a kiss.  

 

‘I know that it is difficult to believe, Snick, when you are only ten.  But your mother is still very young.’


	3. Chapter 2 (2299)

Several important things happen shortly after Snick turns fourteen.

 

First, her mother finds a mate.  

 

Initially, Snick doesn’t know what to make of Ma-Non.  

 

He’s a desirable consort - she understands that.  

 

His family are prestigious.

 

His shoulders are broad.

 

At the _koon-ut-kal-if-fee_ , and during all the social rituals that follow, Snick starts to understand that _her_ family, although highly regarded by the elite of Vulcan society, are considered to be somewhat eccentric.

 

Less than _logical_.

 

No-one says anything derogatory.

 

No-one is anything less than impeccably behaved.

 

And yet, for the first time in her life - 

 

Snick feels oddly alienated.

 

 

~

 

 

The second thing is that Snick is nearly betrothed herself.

 

Ma-Non suggests it, Grandfather Sarek approves - and everyone else drifts along with it, looking mildly bemused.

 

Until, that it, her father visits.

 

Snick has never even imagined an angry Spock.  

 

Has never seen him _furious_.

 

Hidden, breathless, in the corridor, she listens to them talk.

 

‘Have you lost your mind?  After what _I went through_ \- ’

‘You are half human, Spock.’

‘ _So is she_.’

‘Twenty-five percent - ’

‘The mathematics are irrelevant.  Don’t you understand that yet?  The _human -_ ’  There’s a pause.  The pause it takes, she is aware, for her father to remember _how to breathe_.  And then he says, ‘The human _always wins_.’

Grandfather Sarek’s voice is dry, unemotional.  ‘My son - you have been spending too much time with Kirk.’

‘Father - ’  And suddenly, there’s a smile in her father’s voice.  ‘Father, even you must have noticed - _Jim_ always wins.’

 

 

~

 

 

Jim does, indeed, _always win_.

 

He arrives three days later, and delivers, to the whole family, a number of impassioned speeches.  Snick understands very little of what he says - but the outcome is that she is not betrothed after all.  Snick will grow up simply Snick, and will have to choose a mate for herself.

 

It is not so strange - many of her peers are in the same position.  Vulcan society is changing rapidly, as Vulcan becomes more closely involved with the Federation.  

 

Snick understands very little - but she does feel quite relieved that she is not required to marry anyone.  It seems to Snick that who you take for a _t’hy’a_ is an important part of who you become.  And Snick is quite happy, for now, to continue her own independent evolution. 

 

 

~

 

 

The third thing is that Grandmother Amanda dies.

 

Grandmother Amanda is ninety-one.  She is a very old human.  She has lived an extraordinary life.

 

She dies because it is _her time_.

 

This is what everyone says to Snick.

 

Their faces all say something else.

 

Their faces say that when you mate with a different _species_ - 

 

Nobody stands a chance.

 

 

~

 

 

Snick goes missing, rather suddenly.

 

Saavik and Sarek are too puzzled to _worry_ , exactly.

 

Spock is deeply worried, but the plug has just been pulled out if his universe, and only the Vulcan half of him is currently able to speak in sentences. 

 

‘She will be on the beach, Jim.  Fourteen metres south, and three metres west, of the hexagonal rock that the sun hits at six o’clock - ’

‘You mean the cave that looks like a Gorn’s mouth?’

‘Yes.’

‘I’ll find her, Spock.  Now will you, _please_ , drink this absolutely horrible-looking sleeping-potion?  Only, darling - lie down _first_.  I’ll find her.  I promise.’ 

 

 

~

 

 

She is curled up into a small, violent knot.

 

She does not uncurl when Jim picks her up.

 

She simply starts to shatter with sobs, like a rock that is breaking apart.

 

And Jim doesn’t try to reason with her, like everyone else would.

 

He just holds her in his arms until the shaking stops.

 

 

~

 

 

‘Do you have a family, Jim?’

‘I did, once.’

‘What happened to them?’

‘I had a mother and a father, little one.  But they were only human.  They died at their proper times.’

‘Do you miss them?’

‘Of course.’

 

The sun has sunk precisely seventeen degrees further towards the horizon, before he says - 

 

‘I had a son, too.’

‘What happened to him?’

‘He died as well.’

‘It was not his proper time.’

‘No.’

‘That is a much sadder thing.’

‘Yes, Snick.  It is.’

 

The sun has disappeared, before she asks - 

‘Did you love him?’

‘His mother raised him without me.  She did a wonderful job.  He didn’t _lack_ anything.  But - I didn’t have very long to get to know him.’

‘You do not have a family, Jim.’

‘Snick - ’

 

Jim is the least intelligent person Snick knows.  Jim has been known to get _quadratic equations_ wrong (and then _laugh,_ as if quadratic equations don’t _matter) -_ when even Grandmother Amanda could do those.

 

So how is it that Jim always wins?  That Jim always says the _right thing?_

 

‘ _You_ are my family, Snick-bit.  You and Spock.’

 

‘What about my mother?  And Grandfather Sarek?’

 

Jim has many kinds of laugh.  Laughs, Snick knows, evolved from snarls.  That is why Vulcans rarely laugh with their mouths.

 

Jim always laughs with his mouth, and it never looks like a snarl.

 

But she does not understand all his kinds of smile.

 

‘ _Family_ means many things, Snick, I suppose.’

 

 

~

 

 

‘She’s alright, Spock.’

‘Are you?’

‘No.  Why are you smiling?  I _can_ tell, darling.’

‘The young.  They are surprisingly - invulnerable.’

‘I know.’

‘I think, _t’hy’la_ , that this is why I am smiling.  Because you _know_.’

‘Spock - ’

 

Spock is stretched, like an elegant cat, on the floor on his back. 

 

Fingers neatly aligned, in the attitude of Vulcan meditation.

 

The attitude of a superior species, communing with the universe.

 

And Jim drops to his knees beside him.  Feels suddenly so _mortal_.  So desperately inadequate. 

 

‘My love - ’

‘The needs of the many - ’

‘Shut up.  Spock, just.  Shut up, shut up, shut up.’

 

Spock sits up.  Pulls his human lover close.

 

‘The needs of the one - ’

‘Have been.  Always shall - ’

‘Hush.  Captain.  Jim.   _T’hy’la_.  Hush, hush, hush.’

 

 

~

 

 

The fourth thing is that Jim is dead.

 

No-one tries to tell Snick that _it was_ _his time_.

 

No-one needs to tell her that he lived an extraordinary life.

 

No-one really needs to tell Snick that Jim has _died._  

 

Because everyone in the galaxy knows about the heroic death of the great Captain James T. Kirk, rescuing El-Aurian refugees from something called the _Nexus_.

 

Snick finds that she is unable to feel her own grief.  Perhaps because it is too big.  

 

Or perhaps because she is too busy worrying that her father will die of his.


	4. Chapter 3

When Snick is seventeen, she quietly announces that she is going to join Starfleet.

 

No-one is exactly surprised.

 

‘I would not presume to debate you,’ her father says.

 

And Snick says, ‘That is wise.’

 

~

 

‘Ma-non says that we are failing to learn from history.  That we have been hurt so many times that - now we _choose_ hurt.  We choose not to choose.’

‘Saavik, the human - ’

‘Spock, you must be wary of yourself.  The human in her, and the human in you - and the human who _died_.  You are not _rational_.’

‘Logic is only the beginning of wisdom.’

‘Everyone has to start somewhere.’

‘Saavik.  My dear friend - ’

‘I _loved you_ , Spock.  As much as any sentient being ever loved another.’

‘It is not relevant.’

‘Isn’t it?  I am trying to tell you that everyone starts with a mistake.’

‘And if you could go back?’

‘I would do everything the same.’

‘David would die?  I would live?  The _Enterprise_ would be destroyed?’  

‘All of it.’

 

She is _crying_.

 

And Spock, because he has learned the language of sadness, puts out his hand to wipe the tears from her cheeks.

 

‘If we had done anything differently,’ she says, ‘there would be no Snick.’


	5. Chapter 4

The most feared, and renowned, of the tutors at Starfleet Academy is Professor McCoy.  An irascible old man, with a fondness for scotch, who teaches the Biological Science modules - and who fills most of the cadets with a curious mixture of terror and hero-worship.

 

After his preliminary lecture, Professor McCoy asks Snick to come to his office.

 

‘How’s your father?’

‘He _sends his love_.  I told him,’ Snick adds frankly, ‘that I did not comprehend his meaning.  But he informed me that you would.’

The old man gives a bark of laughter.  ‘The old green-blooded lizard!’  And then, seeing Snick stiffen - ‘Oh, don’t take on, Cadet.  Your father is one of my dearest friends.  Probably my dearest,’ he adds, more softly, ‘now that Jim is dead.’

‘You knew Jim?’

‘Of course.  Once upon a time, Cadet Snick, there was an old tin bucket called the _Enterprise_.  And your father, and Jim, and I - ’

The old man shakes his head.

 

And suddenly, Snick understands.

 

‘You,’ she says, ‘are _Bones_!’

 

~

 

After that, Snick is Professor McCoy’s ‘favourite.’

 

Snick is highly conscious that such a state of affairs is highly inappropriate.  That it is likely to give her unfair advantages.  But when the Professor asks her to stay behind after lectures, to come to his office to discuss a paper, or to join him for a drink of something called _single malt_ \- Snick is rather shocked to find that she is easily seduced.

 

The Professor tells her endless stories - about Jim, about her father - about that old tin bucket called the _Enterprise_.  The Professor encourages Snick to talk - and often, like Jim, the Professor laughs.  Especially when Snick tries to explain _logic_ \- for some reason, the Professor always hoots with delight.  ‘Cadet Snick - that is _fascinating_ ,’ he invariably says. 


	6. Chapter 5

Half way through Snick’s first semester, her father visits San Francisco.

 

He has, he tells her, some diplomatic business to attend to.

 

Her father, Snick now knows, played an important role in negotiations to end hostilities between the Federation and the Klingon Empire.  In her Galactic Politics module he is described as a ‘visionary,’ and a ‘forward thinker.’

 

‘That _visionary_ ,’ says the Professor, ‘got Jim and I sentenced to a lifetime in the penal colony on Rura Penthe.  Of course - ’  He grins.  ‘He also rescued us.’

 

~

 

‘Spock - that girl is _wonderful_.’

The Vulcan’s face almost glows.

‘I am very much aware of it.’

‘You’ll tell me I’m being fanciful, but - I think she has something of Jim.’

‘She spent a lot of time with him.  He liked to say that her human quarter was his responsibility.’  Spock smiles.  ‘That it made her _his_.’ 

 

It’s a long time since he has seen Spock smile - and he almost wishes he hadn’t.  The Professor has not become any less emotional in his old age - and the sight of his old friend _smiling again_ is almost more than he can take.    

 

He takes the bottle of single malt from a cabinet at the back of the room.

‘Can I offer you a drink?’

And Spock accepts, with a gentle inclination of his head.

 

The doctor pours them both a glass.

 

‘And how are you, old friend?’

‘I exist,’ says the Vulcan quietly.  ‘From one day to the next.’

 

~

 

The Professor knows, as well as Spock himself, that his old friend was never designed for leadership.  Once he would have said that Spock was too literal.  Too pedantic.  Now he understands that the problem is the vast constellations of information inside that extraordinary head.  A leader has to make rapid decisions.  To rely on intuition.  You can’t do that when you are busy reinventing the atom.

 

But Snick is different.  

 

Aged eighteen, Snick already understands the Professor’s jokes.  Sometimes she even ventures one of her own.  Occasionally the Professor actually suspects that she is _winding him up_. 

 

 _Captain Snick_ , the Professor thinks, has a pleasing ring to it.


	7. Chapter 6

Her father is still the person that Snick loves most.

 

He also hurts her more than anyone else.

 

This is because he is not whole.  

 

Because she knows that he has lost his soul.

 

~

 

‘You miss Jim, father.’

‘Every second, of every minute, of every hour, of every day.’

It is a waste of words, Snick knows.  He could merely have said _always_.  But she does not make this observation out loud, because she is concerned that if she speaks her voice will break.

 

~

 

‘Once upon a time, Snick, I died.’

‘I do not understand.’

‘It is difficult to explain.  But I died, and Jim was left.  And - he was unable to bear it, Snick.  So he brought me back.  Great sacrifices were made.  Other lives were lost.  The _Enterprise_ was destroyed.’

For no obvious scientific reason, Snick’s lungs no longer appear to work.

‘When you have a _t’hy’la_ , Snick - one of you must go first.  And the other must be strong.  Jim was not able to bear it.’

Physical demonstrations of affection are not logical.  But when her father takes her hand, Snick squeezes his until her fingers almost crack.

‘Jim was not able to bear it,’ says Spock.  ‘And that is why I must.’


	8. Chapter 7

After her father leaves, Snick experiences a curious physical sensation.  Her chest feels strangely hollow, and breathing is difficult.

 

‘You’re _homesick_ , Snick,’ the Professor says.  ‘There’s no medical cure for that.’

‘It is highly unpleasant.’

‘I know it is.  You’re lonely, Snick.  And the remedy for loneliness,’ the medical man continues, ‘is _friendship_.’

 

Snick has never had any friends.  Many Vulcans don’t.  Her family has always been her world - she has always been surrounded by love.  Has not needed anyone else.

 

But now she is very far from home.

 

‘ _You_ are my friend, Professor.’

‘That I am,’ the Professor says warmly.  ‘But I’m an old man.  You need to play with other children.’

‘I am not a child, Professor.’

‘From where I’m sitting, Cadet - you’re a toddler.’

 

When Snick continues to look perplexed, he walks round the desk, and puts his hand on her shoulder.  ‘You’re extraordinary, Snick.  You’re young, you’re brilliant - you’re _beautiful_.  Go make some friends, little one.  Go break some hearts.’

 

Snick looks at him severely.  

 

‘To deliberately engender romantic frustration in others, Professor, would be _extremely_ irrational.’  

 

~

 

Vulcan adolescents are traditionally encouraged to be promiscuous.  The logic behind this is obvious.  Vulcans are instinctively fiercely monogamous.  If you are going to mate for life, it is clearly not conducive to psychobiological wellbeing if neither of you starts with any sexual experience.

 

Snick, therefore, has had quite a lot of sex.  Is quite good at it, in fact.

 

Before she left for the Academy, however, her mother warned her that humans are different.  Not all humans are instinctively monogamous.  Some, in fact, tend towards the positively polygamous.  This means that human sexual politics are deeply complex, and, as a curious result, some humans actually _disapprove_ of sex.  This is of course absurd - nevertheless  the safest course around humans, her mother suggested, is not to have it.  That way, things cannot get complicated.

 

Snick is not too bothered.  

 

She has no immediate desire for a lover.  

 

~

 

Snick makes no attempt to engage in the irrational activity of _breaking hearts_.

 

However, she accepts the Professor’s thesis - that social interaction may mitigate this strange new malady of hers.

 

Snick joins the Academy Chess Society.

 

This is not exactly what the Professor had in mind.  But since Snick seems significantly happier, he doesn’t protest too much.


	9. Chapter 8

Snick is better at Chess than any of the other cadets.

 

Snick is also better at Biochemistry, Aviation, Linguistics, Engineering, Combat Training, Physics, and Astrophysics

 

Grandfather Sarek tells Snick that it is important not to take pride in this observation.  Although Starfleet is becoming ever-more-inclusive, most of the cadets are human.  And humans are inferior in most things.

 

Snick’s father says that it is rather more complicated than that.  That in some ways, humans are superior to Vulcans.

‘Such as what?’ Snick asks.

‘They _breed_ faster,’ says Grandfather Sarek drily.  ‘And then they destroy themselves, and one another.  It’s hardly what I’d call _talent_.’

Spock quietly requests that Grandfather Sarek does not talk that way in front of Snick.  

 

It is a slightly awkward moment.

 

Later Snick’s mother says privately to Snick that Grandfather Sarek is still struggling to come to terms with the loss of Grandmother Amanda.  That sometimes sadness makes people become _old-fashioned_.

 

~

 

‘Humans are better,’ Snick observes to the Professor, ‘at _telling stories_.’

He grins at her.  ‘Is that so?’

‘It is curious, given that the Human use of language is frequently inaccurate.’

‘Perhaps that’s the point, Cadet.’

She considers.  ‘Stories are improved by embellishment?’

‘You could say that.’

 

Snick thinks about this.  

 

And then asks, ‘Professor, have you ever experienced a Vulcan mind-meld?’

‘ _Experienced?_   I carried your father’s _katra_ , Snick.’

‘Oh.’  Snick hesitates.  ‘My father died.  I was aware of that.’

‘Yes.  Oh hell, Snick - I’m an indiscreet old fool.  I shouldn’t be talking to you about it.’

‘It is not logical to keep secrets.’

‘Now that, Cadet, I would strongly dispute.’

‘Explain, Professor.’

‘We are not all ready, at all times, little one, to confront the truth.’

 

~

 

Humans are also better at _flirting_.

 

For some reason Snick does not talk to the Professor about this.

 

Vulcan courtship rituals - whether precoital or prenuptial - have an established pattern.  The signals may vary a little, but the intent is always plain.

 

Humans, it seems, often simply _enjoy the game_.  Like to dance in circles.  Like to build _sand castles_.

 

It is illogical, but sometimes startlingly enjoyable.

 

And perhaps, too, it is not so surprising, as - 

 

Snick makes the discovery when, under the influence of something called _Romulan Ale_ , she briefly forgets her mother’s advice - 

 

Young human males are _terrible_ in bed.

 

~

 

‘Jim used to say that _everyone_ is human.’

‘Father, the statement is manifestly false.’

‘He meant that everyone is muddled, and compromised - and also that everyone has potential.  Has a soul.’

‘A _katra_?’

‘The ability to love.’

 

~

 

The most disappointing thing about humans, Snick thinks, is that they are not _golden_.  

 

They do not shine like the sun.

 

Their eyes are not cracked earth, fading into broken glass.  

 

The vibration of their laughter does not cause your chest to explode with happiness.

 

~

 

That was just Jim.


	10. Chapter 9

Snick has a secret she keeps very quiet.

 

Because there is no _logic_ to it.

 

It is so irrational as to border on madness.  

 

Snick wants to visit the Nexus.

 


	11. Chapter 10

One of the stories the Professor likes to tell Snick is about the time that Jim, alone in space with a limited supply of oxygen, slipped into an alternative universe.  

 

‘That whole sector of space was rife with a deadly psychotropic virus.  If we didn’t leave, we were all going to die raving like lunatics.  And _then_ , to top it off, we were attacked by the Tholians.  And your _god-damn_ father - excuse my language, Cadet.  He wouldn’t move the ship.’  He shakes his head.  ‘Wasn’t going anywhere, until we had Jim back.’

 

Snick frowns.  ‘His actions were incorrect.  The _needs of the many_ \- ’

The Professor grins.  ‘And that’s when I realised it, Snick.  Of course, they were already - you would call it _courting_.  But that was when - just at the point, mind, when I was about to wring his neck - I realised that, for your father, _this was it_.’

‘That Jim was his _t’hy’la_.  The one.’ 

‘That’s the gist of it, kid.’

 

~

 

The Professor is, according to his own lights, a sentimental old man.  

 

When he finds that the child enjoys them, he tells her many tales of this kind.  

 

How Jim rescued Spock.  How Spock rescued Jim.  

 

And in a way, he thinks, it’s educational.

 

To show her how such _absolute trust_ , between two sentient creatures, enabled them to save the day.

 

Over, and over, and over again.

 

~

 

Jim always rescued Spock.

 

Spock always rescued Jim.

 

~

 

Snick keeps thinking about the Nexus.


	12. Chapter 11

After the graduation ceremony there is a social ritual.  It mainly revolves - like so many Human recreational activities - around the imbibing of ethanol.  

 

Snick is talking to Grandfather Sarek, when Professor McCoy beckons her over.  He is standing with a stout, white-haired old man, with round dark eyes that twinkle like the negative afterimages of stars.

 

‘Snick, this is Montgomery Scott.  Scotty, this is Spock’s girl.’  The Professor smiles.  ‘ _Jim’s_ and Spock’s.’  

 

His smile is so proud that Snick thinks, for a moment, that her chest will burst.

 

‘Aye,’ says the old Scotsman, studying her with approval.  ‘She has a look of them both.’

 

~

 

‘How do you feel?’  the Professor asks Spock.

And the Vulcan’s gentle eyes meet his.

‘I feel,’ says Spock quietly, ‘ _emotional_.’

 

It’s all that the Professor can do not to seize his old friend in his arms.


	13. Chapter 12

‘Father?’

‘Yes, Snick?’

‘They never found Jim’s body.’

‘No.’

‘He was _presumed dead_ \- ’

‘Snick - ’

 

Spock hesitates.

 

He has worried before that she would think of this.  It is how _Jim_ would have thought.  He must choose his words with care.

 

‘Little one, the inherent telepathic abilities of our race are limited.’

‘Father, I am aware of it.’

‘But you will find, Snick, that when you have a _t’hy’la_ \- one you have loved very deeply, for very long - you develop a sense of his presence.  Even when he is not in the room.  Even when he is many light-years away.  It is - like constantly feeling the sun.’

 

Snick is silent.

 

‘No one had to tell me,’ Spock continues quietly, ‘that Jim had died.  I was on Andoria.  On the other side of the Galaxy.  And suddenly the universe went dark.  Jim was not in it any more.  Not _anywhere_.  He was just…gone.’

 

Neither Snick nor Spock says anything else for quite some time.


	14. Chapter 13

Ensign Snick’s first assignment is as a junior member of the Science Department on board the newly-launched _U.S.S. Endeavour_.  She volunteers for the post.    

 

Among those closest to her, no-one expresses their surprise out loud.

 

Snick does, of course, have a remarkable aptitude for Science.  And for Engineering.  And for Music - and _tap-dancing_ , if it comes to that.  It’s just that…

 

Snick is, above all, a helmsman, a navigator…a _pilot_.

 

‘What’s she playing at?’ the Professor mutters.

 

In response to which Spock’s eyelashes merely flutter.

 

The Professor sighs.

 

Neither of them have ever needed to seriously oppose her.  But Snick, they both know, can be almost as stubborn as her father.  

 

~

 

Spock is more to blame for what happens next.

 

Spock, who can calculate the equations for time travel while boiling an egg…Spock, who is able to see so many possibilities spilling out from any particular set of variables, at any given moment, that sometimes simply boiling an egg is as difficult as reconfiguring the universe.  

 

Sometimes, these days, Spock does not ask pertinent questions.  Or chooses not to _think about_ things.  It’s a not-entirely-illogical survival tactic.  Spock has no idea, for instance, where in the Galaxy the B-model _Enterprise_ is.  

 

Nor does Spock boil eggs any more.  Not because of the inherent existential problems - but because Spock was taught to boil eggs by Jim.

 

And Spock never thinks about the Nexus.

 

~

 

Spock has underestimated Snick.

 

She has not listened to all the Professor’s stories in vain.

 

_No-one understands the Nexus_.

 

Perhaps Jim is not anywhere in the universe.

 

But there are, she reasons, many other places.

 

_Always possibilities_.


	15. Chapter 14

No one understands the Nexus.  However since its first documented appearance, when Snick was fourteen, it has attracted considerable academic interest.  Various phrases are waved about.  ‘Energy ribbon.’  ‘Gravimetric distortion.’  All, Snick thinks, almost embarrassingly imprecise.  More interestingly, a number of El-Aurian survivors claim to have been _inside_ it.  The stories they tell are strange - sometimes borderline-mystical.  Some of them want to _go back in_.  The psychiatric reports Snick has studied are disturbing, to say the least.  

 

A small number of physicists and astronomers, however, have produced some solid data.  Models that might predict the entity’s behaviour.  Snick has whiled away many an idle hour (like many Vulcans, she find such things recreational) extrapolating from the most convincing scientific papers.

 

And she’s reached some surprising conclusions.

 

The accepted wisdom is that the Nexus will materialise again in approximately thirty-nine years.

 

If Snick’s calculations are correct, however, it will be sooner than that

 

Thirty-eight days after the launch of the _Endeavour_ , to be exact.

 

~

 

On the thirty-seventh day of its maiden voyage, the _Endeavour_ will enter the Viridian system.

 

Which is, Snick thinks, a most interesting coincidence.


	16. Chapter 15

‘Sir, airlock four has been opened.  A thruster suit is reported missing.’

‘A _thruster suit_?’ says Captain Ibsen.  

 

On the view-screen in front of him space is _rippling_.  They are looking at the burning edge of… _something_.  And that Vulcan ensign has been asking too many questions.  Has been too full of theories and suggestions.  He should have been on his guard from the start.  From the moment he learned whose daughter she was.  Captain Spock may be a Federation legend - but in his time he had a reputation for taking dangerous chances.   

 

A _thruster suit._ That’s…

 

‘ _Snick_ ,’ he bites out.  ‘ _Damn it_.’

 


	17. Chapter 16

Snick is back on Vulcan.  

 

Here is Mother, and here is Father.

 

Here is Grandfather Sarek.

 

And here, astonishingly, as old, and refined, and elegant as ever, is Grandmother Amanda.

 

Here is Father - but Father is not _hollow_.  Father does not have emptiness behind his eyes.  Father does not hurt her when he tries to smile.  And that is because, just around the corner - she can already feel the vibrations of his laughter - golden sunshine fills the room, before he even enters - 

 

Just around the corner is - 

 

 _Jim_.

 

 

~

 

It is, clearly, an illusion.

 

It is also, Snick considers, an unusually cruel one.


	18. Chapter 17

Snick explores the Nexus for several hours.

 

It is quite hard.  

 

The Nexus tries to give Snick what she _wants_.

 

But it tries to give her things that are false.

 

To restore what can never be restored.

 

To paper over the cracks.

 

The Nexus keeps trying to mend Spock.

 

The Nexus keeps trying to give Jim back.

 

~

 

The Nexus is like a computer.

 

So brilliant, and so _stupid_.

 

Snick has to keep reprogramming it.

 

To make it stop giving her what she wants.

 

And make it give her what she _requires_.

 


	19. Chapter 18

A barren planet.  Volcanic rock.

 

It smells of sulphur.

 

But the sky is blue, like Earth’s.

 

And a stranger in a Starfleet uniform, with a bony, humorous face.  

 

The Nexus cannot have found him in her head.  They have never met.

 

‘What in _god’s name - ?_ ’  he asks.

‘I am Ensign Snick,’ she says.  And then adds, because he is quite old for a human, and therefore probably her superior, ‘Sir.’

‘What are you _doing_ here?’

‘I came from the Nexus.  Unless - ’  Snick frowns.  ‘I do not think _this_ is the Nexus.’

‘No,’ he says.  Staring at her, as if she doesn’t make sense.  ‘It isn’t.’

‘What is this place?’

‘This place is Viridian III.  This time in 2371.  And where are _you_ from - _Ensign Snick_?’

 

This human is clearly quite intelligent.  Clearly knows more than he is letting on.  So she tells him what, until now, she has barely admitted to herself.

 

‘Last time I had the opportunity to check, it was 2307.  And I am looking for Jim.’

‘For Captain James T. Kirk?’

‘Yes.’

 

He nods.

 

And a strange light dances in his eyes.  

 

‘I was heading for the launcher,’ he says.  ‘But - _Ensign_ Snick.  I think we’d better go back.’  

 

~

 

Jim is fighting.

 

Is fighting for his life.

 

Is fighting a man who smells like death.

 

And suddenly Snick is afraid.

 

‘He must not see me,’ she says, urgently, to the man with the bony face.

And he stops, and frowns at her.  ‘Why?’

‘It will be a shock to him.  It will…resonate, emotionally.  And at this moment he has to _concentrate_ \- ’

‘ _Resonate - ?_ ’

 

This human is remarkable - seems to rapidly pick things up.  And she needs his help.  So she tries to explain.

 

‘My father is his _t’hy’la_ ,’ she says.  ‘To Jim I am of emotional significance.’

‘ _T’hy’la_?’

‘Yes.’

‘ _T’hy’la,_ ’ he repeats.  

He is clearly puzzled.

‘You do not speak Vulcan?’

‘Yes.  I mean - no.  I understand the significance of that word.  But - you are Snick, daughter of Spock.  Are you not?’

‘Yes.’  

 

And suddenly she understands where the problem lies.  Understands why he looks so surprised.  And she smiles.

 

‘History,’ she says, ‘does not relate?’

 

And he smiles back.

 

‘Sometimes _history_ ,’ he says, ‘is as blind as a bat.  Come on, Ensign Snick.  We have a duty to that man on the bridge.’

 

~

 

‘I thought you were heading for the launcher.’

‘I changed my mind.’

 

Snick has no time to work out what they are all fighting about.  There is a man who smells like death - there is a bridge (not the kind on a ship) that breaks - 

 

And Jim is clinging to it.

 

And then he is rescued by the man with the bony face, while Snick watches, breathlessly, just out of sight.

 

There is a some sort of remote command device, that everyone wants, and now it is _on the wrong side_.

 

And Jim is going to jump.

 

~

 

Snick closes her eyes for a moment.

 

She _sees_ _death_.

 

Sees Jim crushed beneath a pile of rusting debris, on a planet of yellow rock.  

 

Stolen from his time.

 

She sees the light fade out of her father’s smile.

 

She sees the end of Spock.

 

Snick opens her eyes.

 

Snick _jumps_.


	20. Chapter 19

‘I do not think, Jim, that I like this era.’

‘Why is that?’

‘The smiles are more like snarls.’

‘You’re homesick, Snick.’

‘Affirmative.’

‘Somewhere out there, you know, there’s probably an older Snick.  There’s probably an older Spock.’  Jim smiles.  His smile is not a snarl.  It is a strange parody.  ‘I haven’t dared ask.’

‘Jim.  We _have to go back_.’

 

The bony-faced man is _Captain Picard_.  He was the captain of the - now destroyed - D-model _Enterprise_.  He is the only person Snick likes in this strange new world.  Now they are on board a Starfleet vessel, which is going to take them to a future Earth.

 

Jim is right.

 

Snick is horribly homesick.

 

~

 

‘How old are you, Snick-bit?’

‘Twenty-two years, nine months, and three days.’

‘Does that make it the first of August?’

‘No, Jim. The fifteenth of July.’

 

Was he always this bad with numbers?

 

Yes.  Of course he was.

 

‘It’s been _one day_ for me, Snick.  And you’re telling me that I’ve been gone for _eight years_.’

‘Eight years, one month, and thirteen days.’

‘I stand corrected.’

‘And you were not _gone,_ Jim.  You _died_.  We mourned.  We tried to put you to rest.’

‘How is - ?’  He stops.  

He is starting to absorb the full significance of what she has said.

 

And Spick does not know how to answer him.

 

Where can she put the words?

 

~

 

‘Snick.’  Jim shakes his head.  ‘All grown up.  And you’re _beautiful_ , Snick.  Has anyone told you that?’

‘Yes, Jim.  Professor McCoy did.’

‘ _Bones_?’

‘Yes.’

‘ _Bones_ told you you were beautiful?’

‘He was one of my tutors at the Academy.  And he is also,’ says Snick simply, ‘my friend.’

‘Oh he is, is he?’ says Jim wrathfully.

‘Yes.  He says that, since you are dead, I am his second best friend in the world.  Except,’ Snick adds kindly, ‘you are not dead, Jim.  So I suppose that I must be his third.’ 

And Jim’s face softens.

‘Forgive me, Snick.  Now that you’re a grown-up, you’re going to learn that your father fell in love with the galaxy’s greatest _idiot_.  But - Ensign Snick.  You are right.’

‘About the Professor?’

‘About everything, little one.  It’s time to go back.’


	21. Chapter 20

‘ _Hijack the ship?_ ’

‘Affirmative.’

‘Snick-bit, there are only two of us.’

‘But we are a most _unusual_ two, Jim.  Are we not?’

 

Jim gives a hoot of laugher.

 

‘You could say that.’

 

~

 

After much discussion, they decide to confide in Captain Picard.  He seems, they agree, to be a remarkably rational human. 

 

However, when they explain the matter to him, he groans.

 

‘I have just spent a _very long_ day preventing a psychotic El-Aurian from re-entering the Nexus, at terrible expense.  And now you’re telling me that _you_ want to go back in?’

‘Not into the Nexus,’ Snick explains.  ‘We want to go _home_.’

‘Ensign Snick.  Captain Kirk.  I can give you a shuttle.  But you do understand, don’t you - before you are able to enter the Nexus, the temporal energy field is likely to tear your vessel apart.’

‘Captain,’ says Snick seriously.  ‘Back in our time, I studied the Nexus in some detail.  Flying a vessel safely into it is technically possible.  It merely requires a detailed understanding of gravimetrics, combined with a very _basic_ grasp of the principles of quantum mechanics - ’

 

Captain Picard stares at her.  And then turns to Jim.

 

‘Can she do it?  What do you think?’

 

Jim’s smile is the first day of spring.

 

‘She is Snick, daughter of Spock,’ he says.  ‘She can fly me round the sun.’ 

 

~

 

The other issue they face, Captain Picard points out, is the Nexus itself.

 

‘It is a dangerous maze.  Many souls have been lost inside.  Are you sure that you can find your way through it?’

‘Affirmative, Captain,’ says Snick.  ‘I have learned to program it.’

 

~

 

The Nexus, Snick explains to Jim, merely wants to please.

 

It will jump ahead of you endlessly, trying to realise in advance your every wish.  To work out what you need.

 

‘What did it give you, Snick?’

‘It kept trying to give me everyone back.  Nobody died.  Nobody changed.’

‘You never grew up.’

She nods.

‘What did it give _you_ , Jim?’

 

Jim swallows.  Turns away.

 

‘It gave me a world where I didn’t love your father.  Where _he_ had never loved _me_.’

‘Where you couldn’t be hurt.’

‘Perhaps.’

‘Is that what you _need_ , Jim?’

‘It is what I have sometimes wished.  To be just _the_ _Captain_.  That man on the bridge.  The man who is nothing but his duty, and loves nothing but his ship.  But - Snick.  It was as close to hell as I have ever been.’

 

‘Father told me that you destroyed the _Enterprise_ once.  For him.’

 

The light in his eyes is the reflection of a burning comet.  

 

‘I would do it again.’

 

~

 

Captain Picard, Snick observes to Jim, must already know whether they will succeed.

 

For him, their future has already occurred.

 

‘Perhaps, Snick.  But sometimes the past can be altered.’

 

‘You are referring,’ Snick says wisely, ‘to Van Gelder’s third principle of temporal kinematics.’

 

‘That is of course, Snick,’ says Jim solemnly, ‘precisely what I meant.’


	22. Chapter 21

‘So here we are, little one.  We can go wherever we want?’

‘Affirmative.’

‘Where would you like to go?’

‘I can take you back.  The maiden voyage of the B-model _Enterprise_.  You need never have died.’

‘But what about you, Snick?  If we do that, then you - _this Snick_.  You will have no place.  There will be no reality in which you exist.  I can’t leave you _here_ , Snick.’

Snick frowns.  ‘And if I - _this_ Snick - don’t exist, then no-one will rescue you, in 2371, on Viridian III.  Jim - ’  She raises one eyebrow at him.  ‘I believe we are confronting a _paradox_.  It is most intriguing.’

 

‘Snick, there’s nothing for it.  I’ll have to have been dead for eight years.’

‘Eight years, one month, and - ’

‘Thirteen days.’  

 

Jim holds out his hands.

 

‘Shall we go home, Snick-bit?’

 

And she takes them.

 

‘Yes.’


	23. Chapter 22

Spock exists.

 

From one day to the next.

 

He has stopped wondering whether he will ever get used to it.

 

He won’t.

 

But he will bear it, because there is no alternative.

 

They cheated death too many times.

 

One day, you have to lose.

 

~

 

And then, one morning, when Spock wakes up, he feels the silent vibration of laugher.

 

When he opens his eyes he sees his daughter.

 

‘Snick?  Beloved one.  I believed you to be in the Viridian System.’

‘I was, Father.  But a strange thing happened.’

‘What manner of thing?  Have you been injured?’

‘No, Father.  I haven’t.’

 

Her face is glowing - is _overflowing_ -

 

And then the room is filled with sunshine. 

 


	24. Chapter 23

‘You’ve died.  I’ve died.  You know, my love,’ Jim says, ‘we’re really going to have to stop doing this.’

Spock pulls him closer, with a smile in his eyes.  ‘There is no such thing as a no-win scenario?’

‘I think I’ve repeatedly proved my point.’

 

He’s too thin, but apart from that - in eight years, Jim is relieved to find, his lover has barely changed.  On the outside, at any rate.  He worries about the ravages that time has wrought on that impossibly loyal heart.

 

‘You survived a _Pon Farr_ without me, Spock.’

‘Yes.’

‘You didn’t - ’

‘With increasing age, Captain - the fever in the blood is less fierce.’

‘Jim,’ says Jim, idly.

 

He rather has his doubts. 

 

Eight years, one month, and fourteen days of pent-up Vulcan longing have just made for a very _fever_ -driven night.

 

 _Semantics_ , he fleetingly thinks.

 

But as one gets older, he reflects, such details seem to matter less.

 

There is _one_ detail, though…

 

Hubris aside.

 

‘You’re still going to lose me one day, Spock.’

 

‘I know,’ says Spock simply.  ‘But not yet.’

 

~

 

Snick sends a message to Starfleet, to explain her rather unorthodox disappearance.  The response is that she can have two days of shore leave, and must then report back to San Francisco.

 

She hasn’t told them about Jim.

 

‘I think I’ll stay dead, Snick, for a couple of weeks.  There’s going to be the most godawful fuss.  You know that they’ll almost certainly give you a decoration for this?’

‘It is irrelevant, Jim.’

 

What is relevant is that Jim is going to stay right here, for fourteen days, and make her father whole again.

 

~

 

‘I’ve got eight extra years in the bank, Spock.’

‘An unusual perspective, Jim.’

‘And you know what the really amazing part is?’

 

Jim beams.

 

‘I’ll live to see her make _Captain_.’


	25. Epilogue

On a Starfleet vessel that is carrying him back to twenty-three seventies’ Earth, Captain Picard allows himself to smile.

 

He's been worrying a lot, recently, about _family_.

 

But, he now grasps, he's been worrying about the wrong things.

 

Family isn't a woman with rosy cheeks, and a row of stuffed children, under a Christmas tree.

 

Family is the ones you love.  The ones who love you back.

 

Family are the people who, whatever temporospatial dimension you get lost in, will seek you out.

 

Family can be whatever you want.


End file.
